THIS DAY IN HISTORY
1836 – The Alamo fell to Mexico
1899 – Bayer patents aspirin1930 – Clarence Birdseye started selling prepackaged frozen foods in Springfield, MA (Basketball H-O-F city)
1981 – ‘America’s Anchorman’ Walter Cronkite retired — we got Dan Rather as a replacement
1985 – It rained fish in Rosewood, Australia (seriously… small fish known as bream, reportedly fell from the sky)
News and The Politics out of D.C.
TRUMP’S FIRST TOWN HALL EVENT ON FOX NEWS
THE TRUMP ADMIN IS MOVING AHEAD WITH PLANS TO WITHHOLD FEDERAL FUNDS FROM SANCTUARY CITIES
WARREN’S DONE… BUT, WILL SHE ENDORSE BERNIE?
MICHIGAN IS DO OR DIE FOR BERNIE (AND, IT’S NOT LOOKING GOOD)
NO SH*T, SHERLOCK — BIDEN IS CRUSHING BERNIE IN FLORIDA POLL
REPORT: HOUSE DEMS SHARED ‘HIGH-FIVES’ OVER BERNIE’S BAD NIGHT ON SUPER TUESDAY
BERNIE SANDERS SAYS HE’LL SUPPORT BIDEN IF THE FORMER VP BECOMES THE DEM CANDIDATE
PELOSI CALLED TRUMP ‘THE MOST DANGEROUS PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF OUR COUNTRY’
and then… PELOSI ACTUALLY SLOWED FUNDING ON CORONA VIRUS SO DEMS COULD CAMPAIGN ON IT
WATCH WHOOPI GOLDBERG DECLARE JILL BIDEN TO BE “AN AMAZING DOCTOR’
NOT ABOUT TO BE OUTDONE BY WHOOPI, (THE IRONICALLY-NAMED) JOY NEHAR WANTS AOC AS VP
BILL CLINTON SAYS LEWINSKY AFFAIR WAS NEEDED ‘TO MANAGE MY ANXIETY’
General News
CORONA VIRUS (COVID-19) UPDATES
TRAVELING SOON? HERE ARE THE LATEST ON AIRLINE RULES AND RESTRICTION (CHANGE FEES, ETC.)
ER DOC — 98-99% OF CORONA VIRUS PATIENTS WILL DO VERY WELL
DOW TUMBLES NEAR 1000 POINTS AGAIN AS VIRUS UNCERTAINTY WORRIES GLOBAL MARKETS
WASHINGTON BUYS A MOTEL TO HOUSE QUARANTINED PATIENTS
REPORT: CORONAVIRUS PATIENT IN SPAIN FULLY RECOVERED AFTER HE WAS TREATED WITH AN HIV DRUG
PURELL SELLS OUT, TITO’S VODKA SAYS ‘STOP USING OUR VODKA AS A HAND SANITIZER’
IS CHINA FAKING A BUSINESS RECOVERY? THE LIGHTS ARE ON, NOBODY’S WORKING
BETHLEHEM CLOSES THE CHURCH OF THE NATIVITY DUE TO VIRUS CONCERNS
AUSTRALIAN NEWSPAPER PRINTS EXTRA PAGES TO HELP WITH TOILET PAPER SHORTAGE
STARBUCKS BANS PERSONAL CUPS (IF YOU HAVE ONE, YOU STILL GET THE DISCOUNT)
PUBLISHING STAFF WALKS OUT WHEN COMPANY ANNOUNCED NEW WOODY ALLEN BIOGRAPHY
THE JACKWAGON WHO LICKED ICE CREAM IN A VIRAL VIDEO LAST SUMMER IS DEADED TO JAIL
MORE OF US KNOW THE NAME ‘BUSY PHILLIPS’ TODAY — SHE’S REALLY REALLY PROUD OF HER ABORTION
GOOD IDEA? HS PRINCIPAL DEMANDS FEMALE PROM ATTENDEES HAVE THEIR DRESSES PRE-APPROVED
Strange News Catching My Eye
VEGAN JOGGER ASKS NEIGHBORS TO CLOSE THEIR WINDOWS BECAUSE OF OFFENSIVE SMELLS
$15 MINIMUM WAGE??? BURGER-FLIPPING ROBOTS WORK FOR $3.00 AN HOUR
WILLIAM SHATNER’S LATEST DIVORCE SETTLEMENT INCLUDED BILL GETTING THE HORSE SEMEN
