Just a few months ago, Elon Musk announced The Boring Company had created a personal flamethrower. And, for a limited time, Musk would be selling them to individuals.
Of course, I rushed to order one.
Musk’s personal flamethrower (now officially called “Not-a-Flamethrower”) racked up 20,000 sales in a matter of a few hours. My confirmation arrived and I began patiently waiting, counting the days for the originally promised delivery date of sometime in March or April.
As of May 9, no flamethrower had arrived. I had flashbacks to my childhood…checking the mailbox each day, wondering if the secret decoder ring from Battle Creek, Michigan would ever arrive.
My friends were beginning to doubt my sidewalk-clearing, spider-scorching flamethrower would ever appear. Even I had moments of doubt. I was hoping I had not been hoodwinked.
However, on May 10th, an email arrived from The Boring Company announcing production was almost finished and shipping would be happening soon (“start shipping in the summer”).
Buuuuuuuuuut, before shipping the flamethrower to me, Musk’s lawyers wanted me (and all purchasers of the Not-a-Flamethrower) to sign a host of declarations and legal agreements protecting the company (and Musk’s billions).
You have to give Elon Musk credit, even his legal statements have a certain flare to them. (pun intended)
“THE LAWYERS HAVE SPOKEN”
This was the opening statement…
The same tongue-in-cheek tone continued through what has to be the most entertaining “terms and conditions” form I have ever seen.
Dr. Seuess would be proud
“I will not use this in a house
“I will not point this at my spouse”
The butt-covering continued
After clicking through several other cleverly worded pages, I crossed the legalese finish line.
Now, back to the waiting. Wait…was that the UPS truck in the driveway?